On pain and happiness.

Pain is inevitable, it comes with the whole package that is life. To worry about it, to dwell too much on it, does you no good. To live a life is to be hurt. Over and over again. By various people, situations, or just plain injustice. Pain and happiness are like twins. You can’t have one without the other. Everything that makes you happy, can also make you suffer. But the pain doesn’t spoil the happiness. And happiness makes the pain go away. It’s a circle, in which we all move in our lives. One minute we are happy, the next we are in pain, and remembering that happiness deepens the pain, but the next moment we are happy again, and all that pain which we felt before doesn’t matter anymore. And we are left with these wonderful memories of a time when we were happy. I guess that’s how our souls work, we choose to only remember the good things in order to survive. If we remembered only the bad ones, it would suffocate us, make us bitter. And none of like feeling angry and bitter all the time.

Everytime we are in pain, a part of us dies. But also, a new part of us is born. We are reborn, stronger and wiser than we were before. So the next happiness is much more fulfilling than the previous one. But also the next pain is much harder than the previous one. No matter how much we wish to never be hurt again, to never feel this ache in your stomach which doesn’t let you sleep, we don’t have a choice in it. Maybe we could, shelter ourselves from everything, to avoid pain. Downside of that is that we avoid happiness like that as well.

With opening up your heart and soul to life, you also open it up to being hurt yet again. That is beautiful and sad at the same time. The biggest pain we feel during our lifetime, is losing a loved one. Losing a family member, having a fight with your best friend from which your friendship never recovers, and seeing your significant other walk away. You can only feel pain over losing someone if what you had with that person was honest, and if you really truly cared. Everything else is your ego being hurt, not your soul. There is no magic recovery from this. It hurts for a while, you cry for a while, and then one morning you just wake up and realize you are ready for new happiness. You never stop missing the person you lost. You always carry them in your heart, because even if it left you hurt, you have these wonderful memories of that person. That doesn’t mean it continues to hurt. But to every person that we let into our lives, we give a part of us to them which we can never get back.

To feel pain means you will also feel happiness. I can’t promise it will happen soon, but it will happen eventually. That’s just the circle of life, after a storm the brightest sunshine comes. Never lose hope. I want you to promise to yourself that you won’t fight your feelings, you won’t runaway from them. If you feel like crying, then cry. If you feel like missing someone so much it hurts, tell them if you have a chance. Because tomorrow you might lose every chance you ever had. Call your parents and thank them for everything they’ve done for you, tell them how much you love them. You never know if tomorrow is too late for that. If you miss a friend, talking to them, tell them. Work things out, nothing is unfixable. If you miss anyone, and you can do something about it, to make it hurt less, to get to your happiness, do it now.

Your life is happening right now. If you’re scared of happiness, just ask yourself is that how you want to live your life. Refusing the gifts you were given because you thought they weren’t meant for you, that will give you the longest pain of all. Because when you realize those were the gifts, it might be too late. If you have a person in your life who is a gift, a blessing, make them your happiness, not your pain. The strenght for that is in you, just believe in yourself a little bit.

Time heals all wounds. But self-inflicted ones, those won’t heal unless you start stitching them by yourself. Correcting all your mistakes, and fighting for your happiness.

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